Becoming One- The Start of Our Story
Navigating a new marriage, especially one with an immature relationship, made it more difficult for us to transition into a new household and the identity we looked to create as a young family. The arrival of our first child magnified our complications. In the book Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges, he explains that we will go through a period of disorientation and reorientation. We will go through complicated inner and outer changes as we work on our marriage and unlock the secrets of parenting if such a thing exists. He also explains there are three parts to a transition, “(1) an ending, followed by (2) a period of confusion and distress, leading to (3) a new beginning”.[i] Gee Ann, and I was ending our past single lives and were in a period of confusion and distress. A period of learning and understanding each other, growing and nourishing the love we formed for each other over the year online and finally in person.
I traveled to the Philippines three times during the period we were trying to work through what we were to become. I traveled to the Philippines for the first time right after my three deployments to Iraq. As I boarded my first flight of three to make it to Manila, unbeknownst to Gee Ann, I already had the engagement ring. In my mind, I already knew I wanted to marry her. I was nervous and excited, but in my heart, I knew the stars aligned for us to find each other. I planned out the whole trip.
I would land in Manila on her Birthday, as it would be the first time we would see each other in person. We would go to Dipolog and celebrate her 25th Birthday with family and friends. After Dipolog, we would go to the beautiful island of Boracay to the luxury hotel of Shangri-La, where I had already coordinated with the hotel to have a private dinner next to the ocean; at this beautiful setting, I would ask her to marry me. The plan worked to perfection, and it was a fantastic trip. From the chaos of getting through Manila airport to the tranquil and crystal-clear beaches of Boracay, I knew Gee Ann, and I was in for a hell of an adventure together. If you ever have a chance to travel to Boracay, staying at the Shangri-La hotel is a must. The hotel is in a class of its own. We stayed in both the SeaView Suite and a Tree House Villa. A bit pricey but have amazing views, service, and amenities. We both will never forget our time at Shangri-La. I would travel again to the Philippines in December so we could spend Christmas and New Year together. I would come to learn quickly how much Filipinos love Christmas and start celebrating the holiday. However, we would leave the Philippines to travel to Singapore for Christmas and Hong Kong for New Year.
In Singapore, we would come to love this Southeast Asian location and have visited it repeatedly over the years. In Singapore, we stayed at the Fullerton Hotel; this hotel was beautiful, and the place was excellent for traveling around this small country by foot. As a souvenir, we still have our room key; we stayed in room 466. We visited the Singapore Flyer and the… We traveled in 2012 and saw the land being developed for Marina Bay Sands Hotels and other tourist landmarks that would come to define Singapore now. In Hong Kong, we stayed at The Langham (Room 814), an ok hotel, but the location was great. We went to Disneyland and Universal Studios, the trip’s highlights as it would be the first but not last time to go and see Disneyland and Universal Studios. We would only visit Hong Kong once as we were not as impressed with Hong Kong as we were with other countries in Asia. We made this trip to spend more time together and learn from each other as we traveled and were put in unfamiliar situations. A period of togetherness and growth as we knew we would have a lot to learn as we transitioned to be one.
The transition was more difficult for Gee Ann as she came from the Philippines, where he has always lived. She came from a background of always being very close to her family while having limited interactions with other cultures. Gee Ann was now in America with a child and married to a U.S. service member, married to a Soldier during a time of war and deployments, uncertainty, and anxiety. She sacrificed a lot with still a lot of unknowns. The situation for me was different as I had already been in the Army, growing up as an Army BRAT to a father who did 28 years of service. I was still young in my career but already had three deployments under my belt and understood how war impacts our Soldiers and families. We were open to these tectonic shifts in our lives.
I believe what set us apart is that we trusted in the lord’s plan as it unfolded. We both were ready for a life with someone special, and God presented us with the opportunity of a lifetime. The Bible says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3: 5-6). I would tell our readers that our advice for individuals just beginning their marriage journey would be to have an open mind, be flexible, and look for ways to adapt to the new environment. Not saying to change who you are and put your skills on hold but to make the creative readjustments to work through the transition of marriage. Be empathic to the sacrifices both of you are making.
At the time, I was attending the National Intelligence University as I was blessed enough for the Army to allow me to get a second master’s degree in Science and Technology Intelligence. Yet, the school was demanding and time with the family was minimal. As we were transitioning into our roles as father, mother, husband, and wife, we had to learn how to live within the ecosystem of the military. We would have to accelerate our learning of the military as we were notified that after I graduated from the National Intelligence University, we would be heading to Wiesbaden, Germany, for a 3-year assignment in Europe.
There was rapid change around us, and if we were not open, flexible, and adaptable to the change in our environment, I believe the stress and anxiety of the compounding change would have impacted our marriage from the start. Instead, we were excited and looking forward to growing together as we moved to Europe.
[i] William Bridges, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, pg9, 2019.
